Форт Destroy. 2018-2020

Я – дитя первородного хаоса,

Поднимаясь и падая вечно,

Балансируя в своей левитации,

Пропуская все ветры встречные,

Застряв между жизнью и смертью,

Утопая в греховном болоте,

В бесконечности круговерти

Я свой форт в пустоте строю.

Я лишен своей собственной воли,

Лишь виток абсолютной спирали,

Что сильнее магнитного поля

Меня разрушительно тянет.

Я пытался уйти от судьбы,

Но секрет не поддался мне,

Как изгибы ее обойти,

И я строю свой форт в пустоте.

В проплывающем мимо времени

Тонут тени, проблемы, дела,

Отражаясь в сознании видениями

Лабиринта кривых зеркал.

И вдоль по этому лабиринту

Я брожу в отражениях сна

И, бросая вновь вызов инстинктам,

Свой форт в пустоте строю я.

Меня что-то здесь окружает,

Что не чувствуют ухо и глаз,

Инфразвуком меня освящая

Словно Божественный глас.

И у нас с ним и мир, и война,

С шепота на крики и вой,

Поэтому в балансе всегда я

И форт в пустоте строю свой.

Те, которых я так любил,

Те, которым писал я оды,

Позабыли меня в один миг,

Подчиняясь циклам природы.

Но понимаешь над бездной –

Память прочих опасней опор,

Что легко упадет в неизвестность,

И туда же рухнет мой форт.

Я не буду смеяться и плакать,

Когда воздух держать перестанет,

Когда тьма протянет мне лапу,

Когда скользнут ноги со стали.

Пусть враги соберутся праздновать,

Я, наконец, обрету покой.

Моя милая муза, ну, здравствуй!

Добро пожаловать в Форт Дестрой!

I’ve tried to warn myself, the way is very hard,

Without any help you wouldn’t pass a half,

But years passed away, and I’m still no one,

And then it’s come the day, when I could see the sun.

And stars under my feet showed me the guiding light,

I saw just what I need to go the endless night.

They still have tried to tell it wasn’t my fate at all.

I saw you, guys, in hell, today I just stood tall!

In my masterful mind I tried to find the thoughts,

That I could realize and beat my own ghosts.

But doubts’ been haunted me, and I waited too long.

I’ve had to find in me the power to stand strong.

Nobody could help me, or haven’t wanted that.

It’s been comfortable to save me there for them.

But thoughts’ve combined with words, and there have come the strings.

And my insidious worlds have gifted me the wings.

And then I’ve get at least I’ve found my own road.

Fingers’ve become the fists, and now I have to go.

I’ll found my own ground wherever I belong.

My show’s just started now and it has to go on!

And I will fight for my own dream until I couldn’t breathe.

Now I can tell what really mean, and that’s enough for me.

And if I die at my own way, I will blame nobody.

I chose my hell, I chose my day, and they mixed me beneath.

It’s never late to find the road if you’re ready to go.

I’ve heard my mind; he showed me what I really had to take.

This is my might; this is my shield – the worlds I’ve had to make.

I feel the taste of my burnt dreams, but now I’m not afraid at all!

Why do you think you are the person?

You have nothing in the past!

Why do you think you are the first one,

Who’s built the towers from the dust?

Why do you think about your poems,

Like these are your golden keys?

I read your poem, and it bores,

There is how your meaning slips.

That’s what I’ve heard about my work,

About themes I had to voice.

And I’ve been chained to every talk

About my nonexistent choice.

They tried to ruin me every time I’ve tried to talk about me,

And I was ready to forget every world I have created.

But once I thought what if I’d try to become whom I should be?

Will I be sometimes really dead? Will world be possible to break it?

And then I saw the falling stars, first time I made a wish for me.

I fought my sick masterful mind and installations from the childhood.

There’s no more power in my scars, I stand against the world I see.

I’ll never need the help behind, this battle makes feel so good!

And I will fight for my own dream until I couldn’t breathe.

Now I can tell what really mean, and that’s enough for me.

And if I die at my own way, I will blame nobody.

I chose my hell, I chose my day, and they mixed me beneath.

It’s never late to find the road if you’re ready to go.

I’ve heard my mind, he showed me what I really had to take.

This is my might, this is my shield – the worlds I’ve had to make.

I feel the taste of my burnt dreams, but now I’m not afraid at all!

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